from my heart's apocalypse.

2006-03-10T14:16:00.000-05:00

x2muchmtl4x1hand: a.) being drunk is good. to bad i'm not there. i would've made a party outta it. ahah. b.)i prolly wouldn't be allowed to go back, unless we went early in the day and he had me home before like... 10-10:30-ish. (my mom's gay like that) c.)don't grumble about anything. molly's ot better then you in anyway. really, she's not. like. idk. i think she's kinda stupid now, actually. haha. but wtf ever. i don't even care anymore. ihaven't talked to her in ages. d.)did i tell you i love you yet? oh, 'cause I do. :-) e.)when you steal mikes car, you should get your monroe then. and i'll go with you. you can even have my bar that i have for that. i thought it was for your lip, but it's not. and since i don't have a monroe, it does me no good. haha. it's a 14g though, so yeah. f.)I LOOOOOOVE YOU... still. aahah. g.)i want an industrial, but you're right. i think it would look stupid on mike. :-\ yeah. he doesn't really strike me as the piercings/tattoo's type of guy. oh well. haha. h.) yup. I still love you. HAHAHAH. I.)yeah. that was it. i think. ahaha

oh how i love her :-p

2006-02-12T22:29:00.000-05:00

i.m falling.

too fast.

i want another tattoo.
hehe.

2006-01-31T23:07:00.000-05:00

goodbye.

2006-01-31T22:37:00.000-05:00

i.m starting to fashion an idea in my head
where i would impress you
with every single word i said
would come out insightful, or brave, or smooth, or charming
and you.d want to call me....
and i would be there every time
you.d need me
i.d be there every time.

but for now i.ll look so longingly
waiting....
for you to want me
for you to need me
for you to notice me

i.m starting to fashion an idea in my head
where i would impress tiy
with every single word i said
would come out insightful, or brave, or smooth, or charming
and you.d want to call me
and i would be there every time
you.d need me.
i.d be there e v e r y t i m e .

i don.t know what to do with myself.
i.m giving up
against my own will
i can.t understand.
and i don.t know why he.s lying to me.

2006-01-31T03:33:00.000-05:00

oh god.
i give up.

2006-01-29T20:47:00.000-05:00

in this dream that i had
you can.t kill heroes
that.s what we said to them
you can.t kill us.
with our instruments broken before us
and the boys in the line they begin to count to five
and the trigger pulls
the bullets pepper the brick wall behind our heads
and the smoke, it fills the air
the captain yells to cease fire
and the squad begins to wait and stare
as the dust clears the air
and we.re still standing
we spit their faulty ammo to the ground
and remind them once again
with smiles on both our faces
we spit their faulty ammo to the ground
and remind them once again
that you can.t kill heroes.

i was hoping i could tell you this with two feet on the ground.
but i don.t think i can talk, because i.m not very stable right now.

2006-01-29T12:16:00.000-05:00

Your Icecream Flavour is...
French Vanilla!

You're a smooth and silky suave type! You exude class and you believe in tradition. A classical taste who doesn't like things to be too flashy or showy. Climb the Eiffel tower of taste with a spoonfull of you! Oui Oui!

What is your Icecream Flavour?

Find out at Go Quiz

2006-01-28T22:03:00.000-05:00

phantom......

zips band.....

so that's why they're practicing at the rubber bowl this summer....
hahahaha.
oh the joys of having a band director that marched phantom.

2006-01-26T15:50:00.000-05:00

what's happening to me?
yesterday, i watched the blue review...
a podcast sent out by the blue devils to keep fans updated on their progress
scenes of tour life from last summer and early camps from this season
brought me to tears.
i broke down, completely

and today,
i put itunes on shuffle
and the first song that played
was am i wrong
by brand new
and it reminded me so much of long drives to syracuse
and nights in the middle school
i almost wanted to die

it was such a huge part of my life.
i can't do without it...
i want to be on tour so bad
i want to live that life
part of me wants to say
fuck my body
and do it anyways
but it will only end up badly, just like last summer
i shouldn't have done it

i don't know what to do
it's kind of like a bad breakup
and all you want to do is call him,
touch his face, kiss his lips
i can't figure out what to do with myself
i should have a horn in my hands,
standing at attention in a horn arc,
getting the crap kicked out of me
all day
every day

i want it so bad,
and i don't think i'll ever have it.
i fucking hate this.

</3

2006-01-21T11:20:00.000-05:00

i have a new tattoooooo
it's on my foot.
yay.
it hurts.
boo.

2006-01-16T15:41:00.000-05:00

Cb major - life is full of complecations,
commitments and organisation. You love to make
sure everything is just perfect, but sometimes
this can cause you to fall over your own feet.
A slightly unsociable key: why Cb major when
you could be the identical Bmajor? It has less
accidentals.

what key signature are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2006-01-16T15:10:00.000-05:00

one breath one glance
slipped away and
missed call missed glance
i can't stay
too late
she's gone
i will miss her voice, her eyes
and love's first kiss

god i miss her.

2006-01-15T23:39:00.000-05:00

ohhhh mannn.
i'm falling down off of kenny's lap/ hi i heart becka... my wife...
ogh man this is becka now.
ofhhh fuck.

2006-01-13T22:59:00.000-05:00

did tonight really just happen?

.....breathless.

2006-01-13T10:39:00.000-05:00

ummmm mri this morning.
sucked.
stupid needle was fucking huge.
contrast injection my ass.

that's all for now.

2006-01-03T11:30:00.000-05:00

spanks0105: but if you're not happy, then do what you need to do to make yourself happy spanks0105: please be careful though...a lot of those things are not safe. shonkette05: i love you becka spanks0105: :-)i love you too sarah! spanks0105: and no matter what you think, you're still pretty. shonkette05: why can't you be a boy spanks0105: hahahahahahahaha spanks0105: omg. spanks0105: can i please put that in my blog? shonkette05: kid spanks0105: please please please? spanks0105: lol shonkette05: ding

2005-12-29T20:36:00.000-05:00

i'm alive....
i don't really have anything to say at the moment...

blah.
i'm getting my tattoo touched up tomorrow
and then i get to have a girls' night with my favorite gorgeous girl.
ps...while i'm home on break, i won't be on aim much....
so please feel free to give me a call...i miss talking to all of you
if you don't have my cell number, feel free to email me
make sure you tell me who you are though, because i don't know people's email addresses :p
bye kids.

...like slow spinning redemption

2005-12-17T22:07:00.000-05:00

*sigh*
i'm gone for break....
i won't be online much over the next few weeks...
but i'll try to post a little something every once in a while
to let you guys know i'm still alive
:p

<>

2005-12-11T17:59:00.000-05:00

Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says: after a bit more small talk, he told me he was putting together a baywatch clone beach-bunny lifeguard show...

Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? window.

What is the last thing you watched on TV? we watched top gun last night.

WITHOUT LOOKING, what time is it? 7 00

Now look at the clock, what is the actual time? 6 01

With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? girls throwing snowballs in the hallway; mike across the hall talking to danielle, my phone is ringing - crap!

What are you wearing? jeans, red belt, black shirt.

Did you dream last night? nothing sensical enough to repeat.

When did you last laugh? in the car today with jonathan and sarah.

What is on the walls of the room you are in? jazz poster, eminem poster, we can do it poster, johnny depp poster, spyder poster, mirror, pictures from hs.

Seen anything weird lately? i live in ak rowdy...of course i have.

What do you think of this quiz? it's interesting. and different.

What is the last film you saw? in the theatre? rent. in general? top gun.

If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? a car. then my license haha. and then my education. and maybe another horn :)

Tell me something about yourself that I don't know: i'm thinking of changing my major to performance.

If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? no more poverty, or war. because soldiers make me sad.

Do you like to dance? depends on how much i've had to drink.

George Bush? ahh...i can't really answer that question. except to say that for christmas, i think i'm going to send him a dictionary.

Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Via

Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Ashton.

Would you ever consider living abroad? in england perhaps.

Ever been given a ring? not an engagement ring...but yeah.

Longest relationship? i don't know.

Last gift you received: mount union football shirt from katie :)

How many times have you dropped your cell phone? oh god. like four times a day :(

Last sport you played? umm. dunno?

Things you spend a lot of money on? my instruments...clothes.

Three things you ate last? mcflurry, french fries, crackers.

First thing you notice about the opposite sex? eyes :) and hair.

One favorite album? don't have one.

Where do you live? ak rowdy, ohio.

High school you attended: chippewa hs

Cell phone service provider: verizon

Favorite mall store: banana republic; victoria's secret.

Longest Job held: um. i worked at taco bell over the summer?

Do you own a pair of dice? no...

Do you prank call people? we did in high school

Last wedding you attended: uh...i don't know.

First friend you'd call if you won the lottery: katie :)

Last time you attended church: uh. one of my trips home..i think labor day-ish

Favorite fast food restaurant: taco bell

Biggest lie you have heard: dunno.

Where do you work? nowhere right this second...hopefully taco bell over break.

Where's your favorite place to eat with friends: haha we like to go to country diner :p

Can you cook? yes sir.

What bike do you drive? no?

Best kisser? ever? aaron, i suppose. maybe kyle. not sure.

Last time you cried? ah....last week.

Most hated food? fish.

Thing you like most about yourself: dunno. my intelligence, i suppose.

Thing you hate most about yourself: dunno. honestly. a few things.

Person you want to do in a bad way? ahh....my wife mandy! haha.

Longest work shift worked? thirteen hours. ew. technically it was two shifts, but it was right after each other, so whatever. yay for being a nice employee and covering for people.

Favorite Movie? donnie darko, little mermaid.

Can you sing? yes.

Favorite place? new york city. or chicago. :)

2005-12-10T13:43:00.000-05:00

*seven things in my room*

*computer
*johnny depp poster
*books.
*two beds
*my papasan chair
*clothes everywhere :p
*refrigerator

*seven things to do before death*

*find the one.
*finish school.
*graduate from college
*make it into eastman :)
*play with a professional orchestra
*march a couple years of DCI
*make a difference

*top seven movies*

*napoleon dynamite
*pirates of the caribbean
*mary poppins
*hook (bangarang!)
*donnie darko
*the wall
*the little mermaid

*top seven things you say most*

*fuck...or one of its numerous colorful forms
*shit
*hmmmm
*i'm not gonna lie
*not so much
*a little
*p.s.

*seven facts about you*

*i am a music major
*i play french horn
*i write poetry
*i am intelligent
*i like puppies and kittens
*smiling is a way of life, not an expression of mood.
*drum corps...need i say more?

*seven things that make you sad*

*soldiers
*sad movies
*mean people
*people dying
*sad songs
*crying
*poverty

do you....

[smoke]: ahh.
[read the newspaper]:no.
[pray]: no.

have you ever....

[gone skinny dipping]: hahahaha yeah.
[had a medical emergency]: ah just my stupid knee.
[had surgery]: yep.
[ran away from home]: no.

[played strip poker]: does strip euchre count?
[gotten beaten up]: no
[beaten someone up]: nope
[been on stage]: yep
[slept outdoors]: stupid girl scout camp.
[pulled an all nighter]: yeah all the time. i'm in college.
[if yes, what is your record]: like three days.
[ever made out with a stranger]: yeah

[been on radio/tv]: yep. espn bitches.
[been in a mosh-pit]: yep

[do you have any gay/lesbian friends]: uhh....i hope so
[first kiss]: haha well. kindergarten if you count joey gardner :p if not, sixth grade.
[pepsi or coke]: pepsi
[chocolate or vanilla]: vanilla
[internet or phone]: internet
[suicidal]: no.
[stubborn]: occasionally
[open-minded]: very much so
[arrogant]: i’d like to think i’m not
[patient]: not in the least
[hyper]: not anymore. i'm always tired.

[nice]: i try....sometimes...
[happy]: occasionally
[shave your head for $1000]: never

[like candles]: yay.

[believe in love at first sight]: no.

[believe in forgiveness]: uh huh
[want to get married]: perhaps

[want to have kids]: never
[ever want to adopt kids]: perhaps

about you...

[three words that sum you up]: music, dedication, desire

[jewelry worn daily]: earrings (4 in left, 3 in right), grandma's ring.
[wallet]: ummm purse?...i have a black one with pink leather straps...
[coffee]: yes yes yes....i am an addict.

[shoes]:hmm....at the moment, roos....other times skechers, new balance, nike
[cologne/perfume]: pink - victoria's secret; lovespell - victoria's secret
[clothing you have on]: sweats haha...i haven't gotten dressed yet. yay college.

in the last 24 hours have you....

[cried]: no.
[bought something]: uh huh
[gotten sick]: yes
[sang]: yes
[eaten]: nope
[been kissed]: no.
[felt stupid]: no
[wanted to tell someone you love them, but you didn't]: yes
[seen someone you have a crush on]: haha yeah
[had a serious talk]: yeah
[missed someone]: uh huh
[hugged someone]: yep!
[argued with a parent(s)]: no...i haven't talked to them for a couple weeks.

social life....

[best girl friend]: :) katie
[best guy friend]: i don't know. i don't really talk to any boys the way i talk to katie. i guess i could say justin.
[boyfriend/girlfriend]: not right this second.
[hobbies]: well, music is my major now, so it can't be a hobby. um. drum corps, writing, reading, painting.
[car you drive]: don't drive.

[would you rather be with friends or on a date]: depends on who the date's with.
[job]: financial aid.
[church]: no.
[like being around people]: most of the time.

last person who...

[slept in your bed]: me.
[saw you cry]: galen. weird.
[made you cry]: ahh my mother.
[you shared a drink with]: uh. i dunno. probably someone in the atrium. mandy maybe?
[you went to the movies with]: :) katie!
[you went to the mall with]: ahhh...i dunno?
[yelled at you]: karriker. it wasn't really directed at me though. the entire ensemble in general. so i dunno.

have you ever...

[said *i love you* and meant it]: i convinced myself that i meant it.

[dreamed something really crazy and then it happened]: no.
[wish you were the opposite sex]: no!
[had an imaginary friend]: when i was like three

[what book are you reading now]: none. i don't have time.

[worst feeling in the world]: confusion.
[what's under your bed]: nothing.
[favorite sport to watch]: ahh rugby. or soccer, when it's played well.
[siblings]: beth (13) and laura (11)
[college plans]: ahh. i'm studying music ed at ak rowdy...but i want to go to eastman after two years :)
[piercings/tattoos]: four in my left (two cartilage) and three in my right (one cartilage), tattoo of a treble clef on my left wrist
[do you do drugs]: no
[do you drink]: ahhh.

[who is your best friend]: katie
[what clothes do you sleep in]: um. shorts and a sweatshirt...sometimes sweatpants lol
[where do you want to get married]: walden pond.
[who do you really hate]: i can't say i really hate anyone. i strongly dislike a few people.

stuff....

[have you ever loved someone you had no chance with]: i guess...i didn't really love him, i only thought i did.
[have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did]: yes. same sex too.
[do you have a "type" of person you always go after]: um no.
[song thats stuck in your head a lot]: guess i'm doing fine.....beck.
[band(s)]: um. too many.
[color]: magenta and black.

2005-12-08T19:11:00.000-05:00

i don't know what to say anymore.

2005-12-06T23:24:00.000-05:00

daylight burns your sleepy eyes
it's hard to see you dreaming
you hide inside yourself
i wondered what you're thinking
and everything you're chasing
it seems to leave you empty

and it won't take long to burn
all eyes on me
through the nothing that you've learned
all eyes on me
and the things you chose to be
all eyes on me

but your eyes look away
it's so hard to be someone
strung out from today
and all that you knew
slips away

you drown in deeper oceans
inventing new religions
they smile and stab my back and
i lie and have to laugh

and it won't take long to burn
all eyes on me
through the nothing that you've learned
all eyes on me
and the things you choose to be
all eyes on me

but your eyes look away
it's so hard to be someone
strung out from today
and all that you knew
slips away

and you hide in your room
and the light burns away
and you move from the truth
it's all so far from you

2005-12-04T21:26:00.000-05:00

ow.

that's all.

2005-12-04T03:29:00.000-05:00

i got a tattoo.
it is cute.
maybe if i can find the cord for my camera,
i can post pictures later.
k that's all.
goodnight.

2005-12-02T11:09:00.000-05:00

A look back at 2005
40 questions about 2005.

1) Was 2005 a good year for you?
uh. kinda.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
um. i honestly have no idea.

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
:( fucking up my knee at band camp.

4) Where were you when 2005 began?
uh in cleveland somewhere

5) Who were you with?
my cousins

6) Where will you be when 2005 ends?
probably in cleveland...or i might be working..dunno yet

7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends?
i honestly don't know

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005?
i didn't make one.

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2006?
yep.

10) Did you fall in love in 2005?
i convinced myself i did.

11) If yes, with who?
well if i say his name he gets pissed. but he's from ny, i'll tell ya that much.

12) If yes, do they know?
yeah

14) You regret it?
a whole lot.

15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2005?
haha too many.

16) Did you make any new friends in 2005?
of course.

17) Who are your favorite new friends?
ummm....mandy, judy, dm, erin, omg too many!

18) What was your favorite month of 2005?
october was a damn good month.

19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2005?
no. dammit.

20) How many different states did you travel to in 2005?
oh dear. um....new york, new jersey, rhode island, massachusetts, pennsylvania, illinois, indiana, umm i honestly don't remember the rest.

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005?
yes.

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
of course i did.

23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005?
rent. duh.

24) What was your favorite song from 2005?
mr brightside

25) What was your favorite record from 2005?
dunno.

26) How many concerts did you see in 2005?
haha a lot of classical and jazz...no rock concerts :(

27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2005?
umm. not really.

28) did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2005?
haha i'm not answering that.

29) did you do a lot of drugs in 2005?
nope.

30) How many people did you sleep with in 2005?
why should i answer that one?

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
everyone does.

33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005?
uh.....?

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005?
not that didn't deserve it.

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005?
yes.

36) How much money did you spend in 2005?
haha a lot a lot. oops.

37) What was your proudest moment of 2005?
:) auditions at depaul.

38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005?
uh. oh god i don't know. any day in concert band where karriker was not in a good mood.

39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something, what would it be?
um. i would not have joined marching band. not because i don't love the people, but because it was pushing myself harder than i should've, and because it ruined something that i love.

40) What are your plans for 2006?
second semester of school....pass my jury, work a whole bunch, teach some band camps, work a whole bunch, get a house with mandy, work a whole bunch, get my license, and start my sophomore year.

2005-11-30T23:12:00.000-05:00

squint your eyes and look closer
i'm not between you and your ambition
i am a poster girl with no poster
i am thirty two flavors and then some
and i'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you're going to get hungry
and eat most of the words you just said

both my parents taught me about good will
and i have done well by their names
just the kindness i've lavished on strangers
is more than i can explain
still there's many who've turned out their porch lights
just so i would think they're not home
and hid in the dark of their homes
til i'd passed and left them alone

and god help you if you are an ugly girl
course too pretty is also your doom
cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room
and god help you if you are a phoenix
and you dare to rise up from the ash
a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
while you are just flying back

i'm not trying to give my life meaning
by demeaning you
and i would like to state for the record
i did everything that i could do
i'm not saying that i'm a saint
i just don't want to live that way
no, i will never be a saint
but i will always say

squint your eyes and look closer
i'm not between you and your ambition
i am a poster girl with no poster
i am thirty two flavors and then some
and i'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you might find you're starving
and eating all of the words you said

ani two days in a row.
wow.
s'ok though
she's fucking amazing.

thank god for ani difranco

2005-11-29T14:33:00.000-05:00

i think i’m going for a walk now
i feel a little unsteady
i don’t want nobody to follow me
‘cept maybe you
i could make you happy you know
if you weren’t already
i could do a lot of things
and i do

tell you the truth i prefer
the worst of you
(too bad you had to have a better half
but i think you two are forever
and i hate to say it but
you’re perfect together)

so fuck you
and your untouchable face
and fuck you
for existing in the first place
and who am i
that I should be vying for your touch
and who am i
i bet you can’t even tell me that much

two thirty in the morning
and my gas tank will be empty soon
neon sign on the horizon
rubbing elbows with the moon
a safe haven of sleepless
where the deep fryer’s always on
radio is counting down
the top twenty country songs
and out on the porch the fly strip is
waving like a flag in the wind
y’know, i don’t look forward
to seeing you again soon
you’ll look like a photograph of yourself
taken from far away
and i won’t know what to do
and i won’t know what to say

except fuck you

i see you and i’m so perplexed
what was i thinking
what will i think of next
where can i hide
in the back room there’s a lamp
that hangs over the pool table
and when the fan is on it swings
gently side to side
there’s a changing constellation
of balls as we are playing
i see orion and say nothing
the only thing i can think of saying

is fuck you

2005-11-28T19:56:00.000-05:00

come on,
lie to me some more
i never said that
funny, how the printed word births itself

let me make a suggestion.
go jump off a cliff
before i push you.

i guess i should've known.
how stupid was i, really?
no, she's just a friend.
did you really think that would work?
how many other girls were "just your friends"?
how many other girls did you "care so much about"?
how many other girls could you not stand to "see upset like this"?

i honestly don't know what to say right now.
i want to scream at you, rip you apart
make you cry
but nothing i can do can upset you
because you didn't give a fuck.
still don't.

speechless.

2005-11-28T15:09:00.000-05:00

are you fucking kidding me?

2005-11-24T14:58:00.000-05:00

happy thanksgiving.

2005-11-22T18:48:00.000-05:00

stop fucking snowing.

2005-11-21T14:55:00.000-05:00

so i saw some wonderful friends this weekend....
and i saw blast!
and i somehow just happened to be sitting where erin hogan came out into the audience, so i got to dance with my favorite tromboner chick! only she was playing euphonium :)
and after the show, she and i hung out with steve and megan at bw3's.
we had an amazing time, and it's funny how we didn't become friends until she wasn't doing brigs anymore...
but i'm definitely going to recommend that you go see blast! if you have a chance.
it's wonderful.

2005-11-18T09:38:00.000-05:00

well if you wanted honesty
that's all you had to say
i never want to tlet you down or have you go
it's better off this way
for all the dirty looks
the photographs your boyfriend took
remember when you broke your foot
from jumping out the second floor?

i'm not okay
i'm not okay
i'm not okay
you wear me out

what will it take to show you
that it's not the like it seems?
i'm not okay
i told you time and time again
you sing the words but don't know what it means
i'm not okay
to be a joke and look
another line without a hook
i held you close as we booth shook for the last time
take a good hard look

i'm not okay
i'm not okay
i'm not okay
you wear me out

forget about the dirty looks
the photographs your boyfriend took
you said you read me like a book
but the pages all are torn and frayed

i'm okay
i'm okay!
i'm okay now
i'm okay now

but you really listen to me
because i'm telling you the truth
i mean this,
i'm okay
trust me

i'm not okay
i'm not okay
well i'm not okay
i'm not o fucking kay
i'm not okay
i'm not okay
okay...

2005-11-16T14:16:00.000-05:00

walking away…

it’s not the same as running

is it?

2005-11-14T09:36:00.000-05:00

Graduated High School.
Kissed someone.
Smoked cigarettes.
Got so drunk you passed out.
Rode every ride at a theme park
Collected something really stupid.
Been to a rock concert.
Helped someone.
Gone fishing.
Spun turn tables.
Watched four movies in one night
Gone long periods of time without sleep.
Lied to someone.
Been dumped.
Failed a class
Smoked weed.
Dealt drugs.
Taken a college level course.
Been in a car accident
Been in a tornado.
Watched someone die.
Been to a funeral.
Burned yourself.
Ran a marathon.
Lost your virginity.
Your parents got divorced.
Cried yourself to sleep.
Spent over $200 in one day.
Flown on a plane.
Cheated on someone.
Been cheated on.
Written a 10 page letter.
Gone skiing.
Been sailing.
Had a best friend.
Lost someone you loved.
Shoplifted something.
Been to jail.
Had detention.
Skipped school.
Got in trouble for something you didn't do.
Stolen books from the library.
Dropped out of school.
Been in a mental hospital.
Watched the "Harry Potter" movies.
Had an online diary.
Fired a gun.
Gambled in a casino.
Had a yard sale.
And a lemonade stand.
Been in a school play.
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Gone to sea world.
Attempted suicide.
Voted for American/Australian Idol.
Written poetry.
Read more than 20 books a year
Gone to Europe.
Loved someone you couldn't have.
Wondered about your sexuality.
Used a coloring book over age 12.
Had surgery.
Had stitches.
Taken a taxi.
Seen the Washington Monument.
Had more than 5 IM's/online conversations going at once.
Overdosed.
Had a drug or alcohol problem.
Been in a fist fight.
Suffered any form of abuse.
Had a hamster.
Pet a wild animal.
Used a credit card.
Gone surfing in California.
Did "spirit day" at school.
Dyed your hair.
Got a tattoo.
Had something pierced.
Got straight A's.
Been on the Honor Roll.
Your parents sent you to a shrink.
Been handcuffed.
Known someone with HIV or AIDS.
Taken pictures with a webcam.
Started a fire.
Had a party while your parents weren't home.
Gotten caught having a party while they were gone.
Done surveys like this to pass the time.
I hate challenges
My dreams disturb me.
I often wear dresses.
I've been called "fake" before.
My ears have never been pierced.
Good posture is a turn-on.
Jesus is my homeboy.
I hate all the ideas of the hippie population.
Freddie Mercury is a god.
I have a perverted mind.
My muscles are bigger than your head.
I eat too much
I enjoy being checked out.
My skin-tone is synonymous to xerox paper.
I hate bottled water.
I've sent something to PostSecret.com.
I want to send something to PostSecret.com.
I am so sorry.
There are words and/or phrases that make me cringe when I hear them.
I love to watch gameshows.
I'm just like everyone else...
Caffeine is terrible.
I need to shave.
I cannot sleep in.
I hate being told how to do things that I know perfectly well how to do.
I enjoy foreplay way more than sex itself.
I can run a five-minute mile.
1,000 sit ups is an easy task.
I don't do dairy.
Pink Floyd...
My eyesight is better than my hearing.
"Hate" is a word I use a lot.
I'm a stereotypical teenager.
I think about death a lot.
I can't wait until I have kids.
I am rarely bored.
I collect Beanie Babies.
I sleep on a waterbed.
I am/was in Water Polo.
I hate to read.
I lie more than I breathe.
I have a new crush every week.
I sing very well.
A shower sounds really good right now.
I talk to Smarterchild on AIM.
My friends make me drawings.
I am respected at school/work/wherever.
The song "Holla Back Girl" by Gwen Stafani helps me spell bananas.
Most of my friends are depressed.
I own a car I do not drive.
Cartoons, that's all I watch.
I love it when my friends are happy.
I read the Da Vinci Code.
I'm Jewish.
Pasta is my favorite.
My cat's name is Fluffy.
I am intimidating.
I know all most of the songs in A Nightmare Before Christmas by heart.
The glass is half-empty.
I say "That's gay" a lot.
I am a very light sleeper.
I hug all my friends.
I feel dumb whenever I make typos.
I can't dance.
Rap is the only true horrible music.
Lightning frightens me.
I wish I were cooler.
I hate buying things for my girlfriend/boyfriend.
Foreign movies irritate me.
I always use semicolons.
I wear a lot of makeup.
I'm homosexual.
I'm bisexual.
Drugs help me cope with things.
I have cheated on a girlfriend/boyfriend.
I hate shirts with writing on them.
My cellphone ringtone is some popular song.[[was]]
I like Green Day.
I wear a lot of jewelry.
My friends tell me everything.
Math isn't my favorite subject, but I'm good at it.
I have been physically taken advantage of.
I'm obsessed with blogger.
I celebrate my pets' birthdays.
I've been hit on by lesbians.
There is something I am addicted to.
I have a lot of zits on my face.
I hate watching the movie if I haven't read/finished the book.
I don't have a myspace.
My parents are restrictive.
Sex-scenes are my favorite.
I hate the smell of gasoline.
I've watched Barney.
My favorite store in the mall is the bookstore.
By trying to be "nonconformist," I look like everyone else.
I'm putting off something.
Techno is a pleasure.
I like Ska.
I laugh at jokes I don't understand.
People say I'm funny.
A friend of mine is named Claire.
I hate all of my ex boyfriends/girlfriends.
I ride a motorcycle.
I'm a stickler for grammar.
I dye my hair.
People judge me.
Gigantic sweatshirts = love.
This survey is kinda neat.
I never wear my hair down.
I judge other people based on the music they listen to.
I'm nosy.
Fire is so beautiful.
I'd be better off alone.

I am bisexual or homosexual.
I've consumed alcohol.
I've run away from home.
I have lied to my parents about where I am.
I don't like Bush because he is dumb.
I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
I am for Bush.
I listen to political music.
I collect comic books.
I am shorter than 5'5.
I think I'm ugly.
I shut others out when I'm depressed.
I open up to others easily.
I am keeping a secret from the world.
I own over 5 rap CDs.
I own an iPod or MP3.
I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
I own something from Pac Sun.
I own something from The Gap.
I own something I got on e-bay.
I love Disney Movies.
I am a sucker for hair/eyes.
I don't kill bugs.
I curse regularly.
I paid for that cell phone ring.
I am a sports fanatic.
I have "x"s in my screen name.
I've slipped out an "lol" in a real conversation.
I love Spam.
I bake well.
I would wear pajamas to school.
I own something from Abercrombie.
I have a job.
I love Martha Stewart.
I am in love with love.
I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
I am self conscious.
I like to laugh.
I smoke a pack a day.
I Liked Perks of Being a Wallflower.
I Liked Go Ask Alice.
I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
I can't swallow pills.
I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
I have many scars.
I believe in ghosts.
I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
I am really ticklish.
I have to see a therapist.
I have taken anti-depressants.
I love white chocolate.
I bite my nails.
I play video games.
I'm single.
I'm in a relationship.
I'm married.
Gotten lost in your city.
Saw a shooting star.
Wished on a shooting star.
Saw a meteor shower.
I had a serious surgery.
Gone out in public in your pajamas.
Been in a fist fight.
Been arrested.
Laughed and had milk or another drink come out of your nose.
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
Made out in an elevator.
Swore at your parents.
Kicked a guy where it hurts.
Been to a casino.
Been skydiving.
Broken a bone.
Skipped school.
Played spin the bottle.
Gotten stitches.
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
Bitten someone.
Been to Niagara Falls.
Gotten the chicken pox.
Kissed a member of the same sex.
Crashed into a friend's car.
Been to Japan.
Ridden in a taxi.
Been fired.
Ever had a crush on someone of the same sex.
Had a crush on a teacher.
Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
Been to Europe.
Slept with a co-worker.
Been married.
Gotten divorced.
Had children.
Been to Africa.
Driven over 400 miles in one day.
Been to Canada.
Been to Mexico.
Been on a plane.
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Thrown up in a bar.
Eaten Sushi.
Been snowboarding.
Been Skiing.
Met someone in person from the internet.
Been to a moto cross show.
Lost a child.
Gone to college.
Graduated college.
Had someone cheat on you.
Miss someone right now.
Taken painkillers when you didn't need them.

2005-11-14T02:27:00.000-05:00

what am i doing?
what is wrong with me?

i miss you.....</3

2005-11-13T11:26:00.000-05:00

2005-11-12T22:27:00.000-05:00

because when i'm with you,
nothing is uncool

shes scared. scared to lose him.
shes scared she'll do something
wrong to make him want to leave.
shes scared that he'll find someone
else so much better then her. shes
scared because she finally realized
how much he means to her

2005-11-12T21:49:00.000-05:00

Take the quiz: "which drink are u(WITH PIX!!!)"

jack-daniels
hard but not too hard. great taste, people will respect u for a long time.

2005-11-12T00:36:00.000-05:00

so i brought out the chopsaver today, because the weather's getting colder and such
and the smell instantly brought back memories of my first brigs camps....
*sigh*
some good..
some i'd like to forget.
but yeah.
i don't know....
i just put some on, and it inspired a post.

i'm okay
i'm okay!
i'm okay, now
i'm okay, now

but you really need to listen to me
because i'm telling you the truth
i mean this, i'm okay!
trust me....

i'm not okay
i'm not okay
well, i'm not okay
i'm not okay
i'm not o fucking kay
i'm not okay
i'm not okay
okay

2005-11-11T12:32:00.000-05:00

why don't we hit restart,
and pause it at our favorite parts.
we'll skip the goodbyes.

i dunno what i'm going to do.
looks like i'm not going to be in school next semester.

2005-11-08T19:56:00.000-05:00

spanks0105: :-( don't give up.
spanks0105: you always have one person guaranteed in the audience for you justin....we might not be very close....but i promise you...
spanks0105: i'll be there!

:::insert depressed away message here:::

jayhowell07: haha, i love you
spanks0105: haha love you too
spanks0105: ps are you going to be around next sunday?
spanks0105: :-D
spanks0105: if so you should get your ass to ej thomas and listen to my band play....
spanks0105: i have a solo!
spanks0105: ;-)
jayhowell07: that's so awesome
spanks0105: haha i thought it would be too
spanks0105: and it was
spanks0105: until i found out who the guest conductor is.
spanks0105: it's the guy that wrote the piece
jayhowell07: wow
spanks0105: and he actually asked our director to have us play that one
spanks0105: =-O
spanks0105: <<< nervous.
jayhowell07: that's so cool though, i'd wish you good luck, but you're effin' spanks
jayhowell07: and you don't need it
spanks0105: :-D i love you justinnn!
jayhowell07: haha the feelin's mutual kid, trust me
spanks0105: awwww
spanks0105: this is the nicest conversation i've had all day lol
jayhowell07: haha

*sigh*
just when i thought the day couldn't be any worse...
justin to the rescue!

.

2005-11-07T23:13:00.000-05:00

i’ve got a case of broken

heart

and the only cure is a dose of the cause

2005-11-07T01:19:00.000-05:00

so...
time for a real update, i suppose.
i don't really know what to say here.
i don't really have anything to say anymore
except for emo lyrics
and silly quizzes.
is that what my life has been reduced to?
i've been reduced to minimizing my emotions
and shoving them into someone else's words
and it's upsetting.
i can't write anymore....
not like i used to.
i try.
all the time.
i stare at a blank screen for forever
wishing for the words to come...
they're not there anymore...
so i use other people's...
but it's never as good as my own.
hopefully someday soon my words will come back.
everybody hope for me....

note to self:
i miss you terribly...
this is what we call
a tragedy.

2005-11-06T22:13:00.000-05:00

I want a boy who would hold my hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous. I want someone who would sing to me at random moments. Someone who is more goofy than romantic. A boy who'd throw stuffed animals at me when I'm acting dumb. Someone who'd bet me kisses that he could beat me at all the old play station games and then let me win. A guy who'd make fun of me just to hear my laugh. He'd play with my hair all the time and surprise me with 25 cent rings. Someone who I could share lollipops with and lay on a blanket with to count the stars. We'd buy tons of disposable cameras to take the silliest pictures of each other and squirt water guns at each other in the house. But mostly, someone who would be my best friend and would never break my heart. He would just always make me smile.

2005-11-06T16:47:00.000-05:00

i like this icon.
the end.
that is all that i have to say today.

i miss you...

2005-11-04T14:53:00.000-05:00

""Which cocktail are you?""
brought to you by Quizilla

uhh....
good drink...
but i'm far from a style queen.....

2005-11-04T11:35:00.000-05:00

You are the Titanic kiss!

Which Movie Kiss Are You? (With Pics!!!)
brought to you by Quizilla

you are going to kill yourself. You got to
depressed one day and you couldn't take it any
more so you shot yourself in the head... *sigh*

How will you die? (beautiful pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Your true angel is Deep/Sad. you're sorta depressed
but that's because there are so many things
churning in your mind. you can never keep your
mind fresh and cleared. its always thinking
about problems

Your Unknown Angel Inside (amazing pics, girlz only, and PLEASE read memo first!)
brought to you by Quizilla

2005-11-04T11:30:00.000-05:00

so far
close friends
feels the same.

2005-11-03T22:27:00.000-05:00

spanks0105: it just sucks.
spanks0105: and i'm really sad.
DrMaElese: i'm sorry
spanks0105: s'ok
DrMaElese : i don't know what i can do to help
DrMaElese : besides offer lots and lots of sex

2005-11-03T09:28:00.000-05:00

falling falling
this life is in splinters
and hands over eyes
protect innocent blinding
falling falling
balance in broken
a lifetime of choking
leaves you blue

2005-11-03T01:00:00.000-05:00

broken....</3

2005-11-02T15:01:00.000-05:00

becka is attempting field goals and extra points
becka is intense and realistic suspense
becka is also available in hardback format
becka is accompanied by marvin szneler
becka is a very different person to read about
becka is left blinking as tsuwabuki offers the lady is squirrely aid
becka is shrieking with delight
becka is home
becka is proof that god so often does
becka is only one of the many chihuahuas being fostered by chihuahua rescue and transport
becka is a bit like being desperate for a pee when the nearest public lavatories are a mile away and you are rushing around the park looking
becka is stalwart and never looks for more than what she's expecting in ....
becka is a sassy, tomboyish woman with an extraordinary ability to handle ....
becka is pretty cool becky is pure evil becky is an unhealthy obsession..... (?)
becka is enough trouble
becka is surrounded by a group of close friends and followers who are amazed
becka is unexplainable and loved by all who meet her, except the girl she.....
becka is one of the most dynamic personalities in american radio
becka is a trademark of international typeface corporation
becka is in demand more than ever
becka is a half sister to bosky blue
becka is the band groupie without the sex
becka is phil

2005-11-01T23:09:00.000-05:00

she's an extraordinary girl
in an ordinary world
and she can't seem to get away

he lacks the courage in his mind
like a child left behind
like a pet left in the rain

she's all alone again
wiping the tears from here eyes
some days he feels like dying
she gets so sick of crying...

she sees the mirror of herself
an image she wants to sell
to anyone willing to buy

he steals the image in her kiss
from her hearts apocalypse
from the one called whatsername

she's all alone again
wiping the tears from her eyes
some days he feels like dying
she gets so sick of crying

she's all alone again
wiping the tears from her eyes

some days he feels like dying
some days he's not worth trying
now that they both are finding
she gets so sick of crying...

she's an extraordinary girl
an extraordinary girl
an extraordinary girl
an extraordinary girl....

2005-11-01T14:49:00.000-05:00

2005-10-30T21:30:00.000-05:00

what is your fucking issue?
i told you to get out of my life.
don't read my blog.
don't fucking call me either.
fuck you.

2005-10-28T10:54:00.000-05:00

i hear you on the radio
you permeate my screen
it's unkind but if i met you in a scissor fight
i'd cut off both your wings on principle alone
on principle alone

hey megalomaniac
you're no jesus
yeah, you're no fucking elvis
wash your hands clean on yourself, maniac
step down
step down
step down

if i were your appendages
i'd hold open your eyes
so you would see
that all of us are heaven sent
and there was never meant to be only one
to be only one....

hey megalomaniac
you're no jesus,
yeah you're no fucking elvis
wash your hands clean on yourself, maniac
step down
step down
step down
step down
step down
oh step down

you're no jesus
you're no elvis
you're no jesus
you're no jesus
you're no elvis

you're no answer.

step down
step down
step down
step down

hey megalomaniac
you're no jesus,
yeah you're no fucking elvis
wash your hands clean on yourself, maniac
step down
step
step down
step down
oh step down
oh step down

step down.

2005-10-27T10:57:00.000-05:00

wow.
you're really good at taking hints.
stop stalking my blog.
get out of my life.
seriously.

2005-10-26T13:06:00.000-05:00

today is sad.
very very very sad.
i love you katelyn frances.

2005-10-26T10:46:00.000-05:00

hi.
i can see you.
and i can see that you're stalking my blog.
stop it.
please.
i don't want to talk to you anymore...
you quite clearly didn't want to talk to me.
so go the fuck away.
k?

stupid boy.

2005-10-25T10:57:00.000-05:00

guess who feels like she's gonna die?
you got it.

:) thanks for the postcard love.
i'll call you when i have a few minutes
i promise!

2005-10-24T01:37:00.000-05:00

sooo....
yeah.
we went to country diner
then to liz's
and we got in the elevator to go up to liz's apartment
and it broke while we were in it
there was a boom,
and then it stopped and the door opened between the floors and all there was was a concrete wall.
and then we were in her apartment watching final destination two,
and the chick gets decapitated or whatever by the elevator
and i was already scared of them before
and i really just couldn't get in the elevator to go down.
so we walked down eight flights of stairs instead.
oh dear.

and ps.
you made me feel so special.
thank you for everything.
i'm falling....

2005-10-23T12:27:00.000-05:00

:)
that's all i ever have to say anymore.

:)

2005-10-21T22:50:00.000-05:00

:)
sweet.

falling.....

2005-10-21T12:00:00.000-05:00

today i discovered that i do not like the orange flintstones vitamins.
only the purple and red ones.

;)

2005-10-20T21:29:00.000-05:00

i fucking quit.

2005-10-20T07:55:00.000-05:00

it's colder than it ought to be.....

2005-10-20T07:37:00.000-05:00

uh oh.

untitled.

2005-10-18T23:58:00.000-05:00

         breathe in for luck
                            breathe in so deep

         this air is blessed
    you share with  me
                              this night is wild
            so calm and dull
     these hearts they race
  from self control
                                      your legs are smooth
                                          as they graze mine
                               we’re doing fine
                  we’re doing nothing at all

                    my hopes are so high
               that your kiss might kill me
        so won’t you kill me
                                           so I die happy


                          my heart is yours to fill or burst
                                  to break or bury
                                    or wear as jewelry
                      which ever you prefer


                          the words are hushed
                                                           lets not get busted
                                     just lay entwined here
                          undiscovered
               safe in here from all the stupid questions
                                           hey did you get some?
                                    man that is so dumb
                stay quiet stay near stay close they can’t hear…
                          so we can get some

                 my hopes are so high
              that your kiss might kill me
                                          so won’t you kill me
                 so I die happy


                            my heart is yours to fill or burst
                      to break or bury
             or wear as jewelry
                             whichever you prefer

                    hands down this is the best day
                                            I can ever remember
                          I’ll always remember the sound of the stereo
            the dim of the soft lights
                            the scent of your hair that you
                                     twirled in your fingers
                    and the time on the clock when
               we realized it’s so late
                    and this walk that we shared together
                             the streets were wet
                                  and the gate was locked
                    so I jumped it
           and  I let you in

                        and you stood at your door
                with your hands on my waist
                     and you kissed me like you meant it
       and I knew
                    that you meant it
                                    that you meant it
                        and I knew
                            that you meant it
                    that you meant it

2005-10-18T12:14:00.000-05:00

that was fun.
and interesting.

2005-10-18T10:57:00.000-05:00

blah.
now i feel bad....
i'm not mad at you.
i promise.
:)

2005-10-18T08:23:00.000-05:00

:(
i guess i don't need that dress after all.

2005-10-17T20:52:00.000-05:00

bah
i dunno.

2005-10-16T18:52:00.000-05:00

we're gonna die like this you know, miserable and oh, you really gotta hand it to you, really gotta hand it to you, are you positive, absolutely sure, well just get dressed don't do this, spend the night late listening to my steadfast set that makes you wanna fall in love, or be smart enough to keep your distance, you can't decide, you can't decide....
we're gonna die like this you know, miserable and oh, really gotta hand it to you, really gotta hand it to you, well just so you know, are you positive, when we get home, absolutely sure, whatever, just get dressed don't do this, whatever, don't do this....
it's a long way back south, and to where i belong, well yeah you've been there once or twice, and you still don't like it, i say you just never gave it a chance, well give me a chance, give me a chance, besides did you ever stop to think that we can keep this up living like thieves, but you can't decide, you can't decide, no you can't decide, well you can't decide....
we're gonna die like this you know, miserable and oh, really gotta hand it to you, really gotta hand it to you, well just so you know, are you positive, when we get home, absolutely sure, whatever, just get dressed don't do this, whatever, just get dressed don't do this....now
are you positive? absolutely sure? are you positive?
we're gonna die like this you know, miserable and oh, really gotta hand it to you, really gotta hand it to you...
well just so you know, are you positive, when we get home, absolutely sure, whatever, just get dressed don't do this, whatever, just get dressed don't do this....
well just so you know, are you positive, when we get home, absolutely sure, whatever, just get dressed don't do this, whatever, just get dressed don't do this....
well just so you know, are you positive, when we get home, absolutely sure, whatever, just get dressed don't do this, whatever, just get dressed don't do this....

i've found a boy that doesn't expect it from me.
and i'm pretty sure that i couldn't be much happier.

2005-10-16T18:24:00.000-05:00

i dunno.
just felt like posting.
sorry.
i'm kinda avoiding finishing up cleaning.

currently playing: i've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth .fall out boy.

2005-10-16T14:25:00.000-05:00

meh
i got nothin.

2005-10-14T08:05:00.000-05:00

so.....
i'm eighteen now.
i'm finally old enough to say
fuck you mom.
woohoo.

yeah....last night we convinced an entire bar full of people that i was turning twenty one at midnight. hahaha. they sang fifty cent to me and me and andrea and micah danced on the bench for our table, and we sat down at the bar to cool off, and some old guy that looked kind of like a biker santa claus bought us drinks. woohoo.
and then i spent the night with him.
:)
and now i have to pack some clothes and get on a bus for a few hours and go to miami of ohio for this trip....yeah.
i'm sleepy, but i'll be alright :p i had an amazing night.....thanks guys.

2005-10-12T20:39:00.000-05:00

cause it's you and me
and all of the people
and i don't know why
i can't keep my eyes off of you....

please stop.
it hurts.....

2005-10-12T12:37:00.000-05:00

falling,falling
this life is in splinters
and hands over eyes protect innocent blinding
falling, falling
balance in broken, a lifetime of choking
leaves you blue

2005-10-12T10:19:00.000-05:00

itunes

how many songs?
866 songs, 2.5 days, 4.56 GB
:( i lost so much when i moved this stupid thing.

sort by song title
first: 1-2-8 - mighty mighty bosstones
last: zoot suit riot - cherry poppin daddies

sort by time
first: family reunion - blink182 (0:45)
last: wish you were here - pink floyd ( entire album) (44:28)

sort by album:
first: [a-b life] - mewithoutyou
last: your favorite weapon - brand new

top five most played songs:
it's not a side effect of the cocaine. i am thinking it must be love. 78 plays
give me novocaine - green day 72 plays
paperthin hymn - anberlin 63 plays
i miss you - blink182 63 plays

first song that comes up on shuffle:
self-evident - ani difranco

find “sex.” How many songs come up?
three.
sex and violence - stone temple pilots
sexual - amber (it's a techno song)
sexual healing - dave matthews band and phish

find “death.” How many songs come up?
fifteen.
homecoming/the death of st. jimmy/east 12th st./nobody likes you/rock and roll girlfriend/we're coming home again - green day
marching bands of manhattan - death cab for cutie
sould meets body - death cab for cutie
summer skin - death cab for cutie
different names for the same thing - death cab for cutie
i will follow you into the dark - death cab for cutie
your heart is an empty room - death cab for cutie
someday you will be loved - death cab for cutie
crooked teeth - death cab for cutie
what sarah said - death cab for cutie
brothers on a hotel bed - death cab for cutie
stable song - death cab for cutie
sudden death in carolina - brand new
technicolor girls - death cab for cutie
styrofoam plates - death cab for cutie

find “love.” How many songs come up?
nineteen.
jesus of suburbia/city of the damned/i don't care/dearly beloved/tales of another broken home - green day
love the feelin - chuck mangione
what i did for love - me first and the gimme gimmes
love makes the world go round - ashlee simpson
love for me - ashlee simpson
clove smoke catharsis - afi
crazy in love - beyonce knowles
this could be love - alkaline trio
the ocean breathes salty - modest mouse (not sure why)
lover i don't have to love - bright eyes
the way young lovers do - jeff buckley
it's not a side effect of the cocaine. i am thinking it must be love - fall out boy
love song - a perfect circle
someday you will be loved - death cab for cutie
ohio is for lovers - hawthorne heights
hello i love you - the cure
all of my love - led zeppelin
as lovers go - dashboard confessional
love at first sight - gwen stefani

yeah....i stole it from paul.
i'm gonna go to horn ensemble now.

ps my birthday is on friday.
i'll be eighteen.

2005-10-11T20:59:00.000-05:00

'scuse me please, one more drink
could you make it strong?
'cause i don't need to think....

i don't know what to do.....

2005-10-11T13:35:00.000-05:00

i'll convince you soon that i am fine......

2005-10-11T01:40:00.000-05:00

:-/ oh no.

2005-10-10T23:44:00.000-05:00

Bonzo715 (12:43:41 AM): o phew
Bonzo715 (12:45:56 AM): yay snuggle buddies are coming

:) he's a teddy bear.

<3

2005-10-10T08:43:00.000-05:00

not a happy camper today.
boo
:(

2005-10-09T20:12:00.000-05:00

yeah....sorry.
i forgot to update.
or maybe i was just busy.

chris is here.
:)

2005-10-05T01:52:00.000-05:00

oh dear.

2005-10-04T11:16:00.000-05:00

i am heaven sent
don't you dare forget
i am all you've ever wanted
what all the other boys all promised
sorry i told
i just needed you to know
i think in decimals and dollars
i am the cause to all your problems
shelter from cold
we are never alone
coordinate brain and mouth
then ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out
i wish i knew
i hope this song starts a craze
the kind of song that ignites the airwaves
the kind of song that makes people glad to be where they are
with whoever they're there with
this is war
every line is about who i don't wanna write about anymore
i hope you come down with something
they can't diagnose, don't have the cure for
holding on to your grudge
oh it's so hard to have someone to love
and keeping quiet is hard
cause you can't keep a secret
if it never was a secret to start
at least pretend you didn't want to get caught
we're concentrated on falling apart
we were contenders, now throwing the fights
i just want to believe
i just want to believe
i just want to believe
in us
oh, we're so controversial
we are entirely smooth
we admit to the truth
we are the best at what we do
and these are the words you wish you wrote down
this is the way you wish your voice sounds
handsome and smart
ooh my tongue's the only muscle on my body
that works harder than my heart
and it's all from watching tv
and from speeding up my breathing
wouldn't stop if i could
oh, it hurts to be this good
you're holding on to your grudge
oh it hurts to always have to be honest with the one that you love
oh so let it go
this is the grace that only we can bestow
this is the price you pay for loss of control
this is the break in the bend
this is the closest of calls
this is the reason you're alone
this is the rise and the fall
we're concentrating on falling apart
we were contenders, now throwing the fights
i just wanna believe
i just wanna believe
i just wanna believe
in us

....song for today
because i felt like it bitches
i'm in a state of euphoria
don't know why
i should be absolutely exhausted.
whatever.
off to work.
surprise me with a phone call bitches.
i miss a couple of you.

2005-10-02T20:33:00.000-05:00

so what would you think of me now?
so lucky, so strong, so proud
i never said thank you for that
now i'll never have a chance

may angels lead you in
hear you me my friends
on sleepless roads, the sleepless go
may angels lead you in

on sleepless roads, on sleepless nights
may angels lead you in.....

oh man.
so many amazing people....
i love it here.

love,
me

2005-10-01T22:10:00.000-05:00

uhh..
i dunno.
just felt like updating.
blah.
kinda worried
but i guess things'll be okay.
and i'm going to go have fun tonight.
hooray.
and i have to play my solo in horn studio monday.
bah
i should be way more nervous than i am.
oh well.
i'm off to get prettied up
much love

me.

2005-10-01T10:29:00.000-05:00

You are a
Social Liberal
(76% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(21% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Socialist

Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

2005-09-30T18:30:00.000-05:00

andrea is finishing my hair tonight!
it's going to be fucking amazing.
that's right.
fucking amazing.
because fuck is the word of the moment.

in other news.
being a musician in college is so odd.
there are so many ups and downs
and it feels like no matter how hard you work
how hard you practice
you never get any better
i know i'm better
i listened to a recording of me from a year ago
and a recording of me from less than a week ago
and the difference is phenomenal.
but i still am not good.
and that pisses me off.
i'm taking a break from bella for a day.
more for her wellbeing than mine.
i'm afraid i might throw her.
and then i wouldn't have a horn to play anymore.
that's all for now, i suppose.

i'm off to andrea's for some highlights and a trim!
ps...
i really love it when you guys leave me messages on aim
it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy when i get back from class or work.
:)
ciao
becka.

2005-09-28T01:41:00.000-05:00

*sigh*
so today andrea and i sat in my room
listening to emo
and eating rainbow chip frosting.
and whining about broken hearts
and bitchy girls.
and i realized that in her and micah
i have found something precious.
those two girls amaze me.
i hope that our relationships continue the way they have been.
because three strong, dynamic women such as ourselves
can only form a stronger, more dynamic trio.
watch out boys.
here come the heartbreakers.

well.
except for micah.
she has dan.
bah.
oh well.

i did not finish my homework.
nor did i practice nearly enough.
i am going to sleep now.
goodnight.

2005-09-27T09:17:00.000-05:00

hm.
it's funny how i can feel like i have so much to say
and then not have anything to write at all.

i got my first lapdance last night
:)
hahahaha.

2005-09-26T00:54:00.000-05:00

hm.
could someone please tell me how to make blocked phone calls?
cuz apparently i make them all the time.
hm.
no
seriously
how do i do it?
because it sounds like fun.

2005-09-25T19:29:00.000-05:00

here, you can be anything
anything that scares you
i think that scares you
here, i've been here before
but only myself
myself
i promised i'd see it again
i promised i'd see this with you now
i promised i'd see it again
i promised i'd see this with you now
what giving up gives you
and where giving up takes you
i have and i've been
here in center frame
here there's only air
and just enough space to fit
i promised i'd see it again
i promised i'd see this with you now
i promised i'd see it again
i promised i'd see this with you now
i promised i'd see it again
i promised i'd see this with you now
i promised i'd see it again
i promised i'd see this with you now
i said said said it out loud over and over
said said said it out loud
but what do i know
i said said said it out loud over and over again
i said said said it out loud over and over
i said said said it out loud but it did not help
i'll stop now.
just enough so i can hear you
i stay up as long as it takes
i promised i'd see it again
i promised i'd see this with you now
i promised i'd see it again
i promised i'd see this with you now
i said said said it out loud over and over again
i said said said it out loud over and over
i said said said it out loud but it did not help

2005-09-25T19:05:00.000-05:00

you're not bigger than this
not better
why can't you learn?

you're not bigger than this
not better
why can't i learn?

2005-09-25T01:13:00.000-05:00

you broke my heart, mister burgundy.
you broke my heart.

2005-09-24T12:22:00.000-05:00

in my delirious silence
i destroy every hope
every thought
i ever had of being with you
sorry

2005-09-23T19:43:00.000-05:00

i fucked it up.
i fell too fast.
my head is spinning.
starting over?